November

I can't believe that next week is Thanksgiving. I am not sure where October went, but I would kind of like it back. I have one more month left in school. Which means my Thanksgiving break will consist of me working on two papers and trying to catch up on all of my reading. I will be putting up my Christmas trees, because I am not going Black Friday shopping. I know pigs are not flying, it is just that I am too busy this year. We decided to not to a sub for Santa because it takes too much time, and I need to focus on school. Instead of buying a lot of presents this year we are doing something else for our Christmas tradition. So I don't really have to go stand in the cold at 3 in the morning this year to get pushed in the back by someone trying to run to get the last $3 movie, even though it is a crappy one.
I have also decided to start early on my New Years Resolution. I have decided to make a better me. My first thing was to stop drinking Pepsi. I have been successful at that although whenever I see one I really want it. I still drink some pop but not every day. I took another step this week. I am not sure if other people will see it as being better, but I guess I do. I have stopped looking at adoption blogs. I noticed the more I read them the more negative I was becoming, because they are negative. When I first started to read them it was so I could learn more about what it was like for birthmothers. I wanted to become more educated so if we adopt I could be more prepared. In some ways the blogs have been helpful. I feel I have more empathy towards birthmothers, I am more open to an open adoption, and I feel like my perspective on adoption is different in a good way mostly. But lately it seems like everything I read is negative and it has made me question our decision to try and adopt and also question who I am. I read things like all adoptive couples are selfish and horrible. They are just trying to take babies from people. If God really wanted them to be parents they would be able to get pregnant. They all lie to get what they want. Reading those things made me feel bad about myself. Sure they are not talking about me personally, they don't know me. But it is hard not to take it personally because Jason and I are trying to adopt. I would go to bed thinking about what I had read, wondering if by adopting someday we will be ruining people's lives. Finally this week after reading a particularly scathing blog about adoption I decided that was enough. I could not do this to myself anymore. I deleted all the blogs that I followed off of my list and out of my history.
I guess some people could say that I am just trying to ignore the negative and look through the world with rose colored glasses. I look at it as taking something toxic out of my life. There are a few good blogs, but on the whole I found that even the good ones have links to negative ones. Birthmoms trashing other birthmoms, adoptive couples trashing birthmoms, and birthmoms trashing adoptive couples. People seem more content to tear down others than to help and understand. I know there are bad things in adoption. There are adoptive couple that lie, they say that they are more open than they are. That is wrong, wrong, wrong. Lying is never acceptable in adoption or in most circumstances. Some couples don't care about how ethical their adoption is. Jason and I are not those people. We are trying to do what we feel is the right thing to do. We have prayed about this and feel like adoption is the route we are suppose to go. I don't know why I wish that I did. I wish I knew many things, but there is one thing that I do know and that is the kind of person I am and the kind of person Jason is. I don't need some stranger who is mad at everything to make me feel inferior or like a criminal when I am not one. I don't need to feel guilty for something that I did not do and will never do.
Sorry this is kind of long. I just felt I needed to get that out. It has been on my mind for about a month now. Well back to studying. I hope everyone has a very wonderful Thanksgiving.

I am still here

I have not disappeared. I have just been so busy and luckily it is just getting worse. I had three tests in one week. The next week was fall break, I thought I would have a lot of time to do what I wants. Wrong. I had a hypothetical paper to write, a talk to do in church, and another midterm to study for. Then last week I was studying for a midterm that I did horrible on and my sister-in-law got married. Well I have not gotten it back yet, but I am pretty sure that I will be very unhappy with the results. My other midterms I did pretty good on. Three A's and a B+. I had an A- in one class, but then he changed the curve and I got an A. I was not going to complain. I now have to focus on another test in my enviromental policy class, and a couple of papers that I have about the same time. Next semester I am taking just four classes instead of five. I hope that will be better.
Well other then school not much else is going on. I am not crazy about the snow we had this morning. I am not ready for winter, or the holidays. Luckily this weekend I got all of my squash out of the garden before the snow came.
I have to get back to homework. Sorry if I have not talked to anyone lately. I am not trying to ignore anyone, just busier than I thought I was going to be.

I am going crazy

Well some might argue that I went crazy years ago, but it might be getting worse. I have three midterms next week in Political Analysis, Mexican Politics and Politics of China. Thank goodness my Constitutional Law one is in two weeks and I already had my Environmental Policy test last week. I don't know how I did though. I did get back my Constitution test back and I got 87%. So I was excited about that. If someone has a question about the Amendments I know all of them right now.
Well that is about all going on right now is school. Oh yeah I gave up Pepsi and it has been a week since I had one. I miss it, but I needed to stop drinking it. It is all part of being a healthier Elizabeth.

Random things

I have been busy the last couple weeks with school and my goal this year to do some canning. The canning has been more interesting then I thought. I bought three bushels of peaches to can and it took longer then I thought. We did not even get to all the peaches, they were too hard and I was sick of peaches. With my dad, mom, and brother helping we got a little over 2 bushels done and it took all day. We got thirty jars. So I think that I learned that for next year to try and spread it out over two weeks.

I also made raspberry jam. I learned that it takes me 2 1/2 hours to pick 10 pounds of raspberries. Also you have to follow the directions on the pectin or your jam will not set. I have a batch of raspberry syrup.

This is my other project making herb vinegar. I planted herbs this year and decided to make some bottles of herb vinegar. I just did on Friday so it is too early to know if they came out good. But they look pretty so I guess if they don't taste good I can use them as decorations.

School is going well. It is starting to get harder. I have a test this week and an assignment due. I still have a ton to read. I am learning a lot though. I like all of my classes, especially Constitutional Law. What I am surprised at are some of the kids in my classes. I might sound like an old foggy, but kids now are lazy. In my Chinese Politics class our professor was lecturing and this kid next to me was reading in a book. I thought it was weird he was not taking notes. I looked over and he had a notebook full of notes and I realized that he had borrowed his friend's notes who had taken the class before. All I could think was I really hope that I don't have to work with you later, you are lazy. In my Political Analysis class there is a girl who was making a bag or something on this plastic hoop. I thought that was weird. There is another girl who sits in the front row and she texts and reads the paper right in front of the professor. I thought that was rude. She could at least sit in the back of the room if she is going to goof off.

I just don't think that most of the people who are in college realize how nice it is that they can go when so many people would like to and can't. I know I appreciate the opportunity more now that I have gone back. But I think that most of their parents pay for it so they probably don't care if they are wasting money.

my first week of school

I finished my first week of school. Is it possible to be a month behind when there has only been a week of school. My work load is pretty heavy. This first week I have read probably 200 pages of homework. I drive to the U, sudy before class, go to classes, study afterwards, go home, and study some more. I am glad that I did not try and work and do this. But even with all the work it is still really great and I am learning a lot. Ijust have to keep my level of dedication through the whole semester. Right now I am doing good, but around finals I might be ready to crack. So that is what is going on in my life right now, studying. It will probaby be that way for the next 3 and a half months.

Our vacation part 2

After leaving Coos Bay we drove down the rest of the Oregon Coast into California. I have never been to California before so it was all new to me. We stopped in Crescent City to eat the lunch my Grandma had packed for us. She is so nice. We stopped by this beach and watched the ocean while we ate. It was called pebble beach, not the golf course one. You can tell by the pictures that it was foggy. In fact most of the coast was foggy that day.

After Pebble Beach we toured the Redwood National Forest. The trees are huge and beautiful. We did not have time to go see the really big ones, but the ones that we saw were still really big. We drove one scenic road. I can't remember the name right now and we hiked two short trails. Luckily we did not run into any bears.

I really love this tree.

This was the best picture I could get of how tall the trees were. The forest is so pretty.

Jason is in a tree.

We stayed in Eureka California and the next day headed down highway 1. First we drove through the Avenue of the Giants, which is close to Eureka. We then drove down highway 1. We did not get as far as we first planned. The road is really windy.

This is us in Mendocino at their state park. They had all these cliffs overlooking the ocean. It was Jason's favorite place. After this we drove on little highways through Sanoma and Napa. It was pretty with all the vineyards, but I like the trees better. We stayed in Fairfield.

The next day we went to the JellyBelly Factory. We did not do the tour because it was just a video tour. I thought that was lame. But we did buy a crap load of jellybeans. We then drove to Lake Tahoe. Someone at work told me it was super pretty and she was right.

We took a drive around part of the lake. It is really blue like Crater Lake. It is also super fancy. We drove through one town that was mostly multi-million dollar mansions. It was weird driving our Civic around all the Mercedes and Escalades.

We had dinner at this restaurant on the lake and this is the sunset from the restaurant. It was pretty romantic.

The next day we woke up early and drove the boring 9 hours back through Nevada. I thought the Idaho drive was ugly and boring, but no this was uglier. I could never imagine living there. Just dirt and a few plants. But we got home okay. Well all in all it was a wonderful vacation. It was hard to come home especially when it was so freaking hot compared to the coast.

Our Vacation part 1

The last week we have been on vacation. We went to Oregon and California. Our first day of vacation we drove 12 hours to Portand, Or where we visited my Uncle Tom and Aunt Pat. We had a nice visit with them and stayed at an Embassy Suites which was nice. The next morning we woke up and drove to Tillamook, Or. We went to the Cheese Factory, where we ate lots of cheese curds. Nothing beats Tillamook cheese. We then drove to Lincoln city where we were staying for the night. This is the view from our room pretty cool huh. Our hotel was pretty much right on the beach. The room was so nice and we walked on the beach twice once at sunset.

Pretty huh.

Unfortunatly we only stayed one day. Monday we spent the day driving down to my grandma's. We went to the aquarium in Newport.

The otters are my favorite. I love them.

After that we drove to find a little beach we found last time. We accidently passed it and had to turn around and find it again. There are tidepools and stuff to look at.

There was also a little cave. The tide started to come up though so we left and went to my Grandma,s. We stayed with her a couple of days and it was so much fun. I wish we could see her more. She really is a wonderful woman.

It is amazing how little the town that I grew up in has changed. I mean some of the stores have changed, but the town has the same feel. I just wish that I would of appreciated how wonderful it was when I lived there. Not the small part, but how close to the ocean it is, all the wonderful trees, and how it only gets to be like 70 during the summer. It was hard to leave. I really love Oregon. Here are a few more Oregon pictures and my next post I will talk about our California part of our trip. I know you are all excited.

My first canning experience

Today with my first day of freedom from work I decided to make some pickled peppers. Jason and I went up to Willard on Saturday and got some bananna peppers. So today I picked up some other peppers to make a pepper melody.

Here are the results. We have to wait 5 weeks to see if they actually taste good, but Iam pretty happy that they all sealed. Also this weekend I got 12 bags of corn frozen. Hopefully I can get another 20 bags, gets some peaches canned, tomatoes and green beans. Oh yeah and some raspberry jam. We will see these peppers took me three hours.

My last day at work

Friday was my last day at work. I can't believe it. Even today I thought that I just had a day off. Work threw me a little going away party on Wednesday which was really nice. They gave me a box full of file clips. It was funny. They were from a project a few of us were working on. It made me laugh, and in the box was a giftcard for me to get something for our vacaton. I thought it was so nice. I took a picture of the clips because it made me laugh, the box is like 18 inches deep full of these. I will miss a lot of the people that I worked with.

So I have only three weeks until school starts. I am kind of nervous and scared, but also super excited.

Happy 8th Anniversary

This Sunday is our 8th wedding anniversary. I can't believe it. I tried to find a picture on my computer of our wedding, but all I could find was the front page of the collage that Elizabeth made us for our adoption. So I posted it, she did a fantastic job with it.
In some ways I can't believe that it has been 8 years. It seems like we just got married yesturday. In other ways it feels like I have known Jason all of my life. I can't imagine my life without him. I guess I could get all sappy, but that is not really me. I will say that Jason is a wonderful husband. These 8 years have been wonderful and I can't wait for what happens the rest of our lives. Like all couples we have had our trials and disagreements, but that has just made our marriage better. I hope that we have hundreds of trips, late night talks, times where I laugh so hard my sides hurt, shopping trips to the craft stores that he hates, times where Jason calls me some pet name he knows I hate, and even disagreement over the next 100 years or so.

Fishsticks

Jason just said the funniest thing to me. I was sitting on the bed and he opened the door with a box of fish sticks in his hands. He said, "By the way our anniversary is not for two more weeks." I could of died. Anyone who has listened to Bill Engval talk about redneck Barbie will know what I am talking about. I love Jason!

Some thoughts

This post is about a conversation that I had with a friend today. We were talking about some trials that she is having right now, namely that she is not married and does not have children. She is frustrated and questions why she has not found someone for her. I sort of understand her frustration we have talked about how her stuggles to get married are kind of similar to my struggles with infertility. She said something that upset me, which I have said many times, and got me thinking. She said that maybe why she had not had the blessing of marriage was because she was not worthy. This sounded familar to me, I have felt several times that the reason that I don't have children is because I must not be worthy. I thought about my wonderful friend, who is so kind and caring and was mad that she could possibly think that about herself. Of course she was worthy.


Then I thought about how I had pondered the question of my own worthiness and how many of my friends who have had infertility problems have said to me that maybe they were being punished. I came to this conclusion, some blessings are not dependent on worthiness. I don't know why my friend has not found a spouse yet, I don't know why Jason and I have not been blessed with a baby, and I don't know why other people I know struggle with infertility when they are wonderful parents or will make wonderful parents. If I had to quess it is just a trial that we have to go through. Everyone has different trials and infertility is mine. I don't understand why it is and I don't exactly know what I am suppose to learn from this experience.


I do know that eventually I will know and I can see some good things that have come from this experience. The main one being that I feel like I am more compassionate. Not saying I was a huge jerk before, but when someone told me that they were having some sort of problem I figured they needed to try harder or try something different. I don't feel that way anymore. Instead I can feel their pain and empathis because I have been there too. I am not perfect. When someone tells me how hard it is that they are not pregnant after 3 months, think to myself that they know nothing and that they are rude to complain to me.


I am not sure why I decided to write this. Maybe so someone will know that they aren't alone when it comes to feeling unworthy and they will understand that blessings are not coming to them based on worthiness, but instead on what Heavenly Father's plan is. It could be just for myself so that I can see how far I have come in the last couple of years when I felt like God was punishing me for something that I did wrong. Sure I still feel inadequate and thoughts of doubt still enter my mind. It is hard not to think somedays that I am just not meant to be a mother. But most of the time now I am able to see a little bit of a silver lining to my trials. I am not going to get up in fast and testimony meeting and proclaim how grateful I am for them. But I can see how they are shaping me as a person and I hope that if we do have children someday that my trial of infertility will make me a better mother.


On a lighter note. Last week someone asked me if my brother was my son. My brother is 21. I almost died. I don't look old enough to have a 21 year old. Then I felt super old. So far 29 has not been good to me.

Mom Update

I thought I would give a quick update on my mom. Today she got to come home. It is so nice. It has been so stressful having her in the hospital. But luckily most of the problems that she had in the hospital have gone away and now she just needs to recover from the surgery that she had.
There is not much else going on. I have 5 more weeks of work and then school starts soon after that. I can't believe how fast it has gone.
Well that is all for right now. I am pretty tired, so I can't think of much to talk about.

The worst weekend ever

This weekend was my birthday and I had a three day weekend I was looking forward too. Also this week my mom was having surgery. Nothing big just routine surgery. Tuesday was her surgery, she looked good afterwards. The next day she was having difficulties, but that was kind of normal. Thursday I got off of work early and called my dad. He said my mom had an infection and they were doing tests so I did not see her. Friday, my birthday, I spent lot of time with her. Her pulse was around 140 and she was not feeling well. But they said she was doing better then Thursday so I was optimistic that things would be okay. I left the hospital around 10:30. Just minutes after I left my mom's heart rate jumped up past 200 and her heart beat was irregular. Dad said they were working on her. I told him to keep me updated and I sat by my phone waiting for an update.
At 12:30 my dad called to tell me that they were life flighting my mom to the new hospital in Murray, the same one that my father-in-law died at. Her heart rate was stable but she was very sick and they were worried if she went by ambulance that her vitals could get worse during the drive. It would be an understatement to say that I was worried. I was devastated. I was sure something horrible was going to happen. They don't life flight people unless they are super sick. My dad told me to get some sleep but that was impossible. I cried and cried. I hung onto my phone waiting for a phone call from my dad. I was also afraid for a call wondering if it was the worst news that she had not made it. I have never been so afraid in my life. Finally around 4 I feel asleep due to exhaustion and slept for a little until my dad called me at 6:30. My mom was doing better they had her in the ICU. She was exhausted from not sleeping the last 3 days and they had gotten her to rest. Her vitals were doing better.
Jason and I were suppose to celebrate my birthday on Saturday, but we decided to postpone it until we could enjoy it. Throughout the day we got updates and she was making progress. My dad finally came home to sleep because he was exhausted. Today she is making more progress and is starting to feel a little better. Her heart rate is almost normal, but she still has an infection and will probably be in the ICU for a couple more days.
So that was my weekend, pretty much the worst weekend I have ever had. I am so grateful that my mom is starting to do better and we think that the worst is over. We are hoping that she can come home later this week. Last night I got more sleep, although I feel emotionally exhausted and the littlest thing makes me cry. I am so grateful to our wonderful friends and family who have been so supportive and been willing to help out.

An Uncomfortable Situation

Two posts from me in one day, isn't the blogging world lucky. I forgot to write about a very awkward situation that happened to me at work last week. News spread fast about my decision to quit. Most people asked why I was going. So I have told everyone that I am leaving because I am going to school full-time. That is my official answer for why I am leaving. Usually the follow-up question after I tell them I am going to school is "what are you going into." I say Political Science, they ask if I am going to run for Governor, I say no, we laugh, the end.

So last week I had to go talk to someone about a project I wanted to get done and they happened to be in the CEO's office. The CEO asked me why I was leaving. I gave the answer I had been telling everyone, I am going to school full-time I can finish faster, etc. He asked what I was studying and I said Political Science and then he asked what political party I belonged to. I was not expecting that. I try to not talk politics at work, it leads to fights. In fact at work a couple of months ago there was a heated discussion about health care that I was fortunate to miss. I did not know what to say. Finally I said I was a Democrat. He then asked me why I was a Democrat. I was so uncomfortable. I usually don't have to justify my political leanings at work and especially not to the CEO of the credit union. I was able to sputter out an answer with a lot of uh and ums, but I did it. It was not an eloquent answer, but I was not expecting to have a political discussion with the CEO.

I guess I will have to get used to it. I am going into Political Science and I will have to defend what my positions are. So here is the short answer in case anyone cares. I am a Democrat because I believe that government helps protect people from greedy individuals and corporations what will take advantage of workers and consumers if given the chance. Government sets rules, regulations, and ideally enforcement of rules which protect people. I think that Republican ideals tend to protect businesses instead of people. Most conservative talk radio hosts make me want to throw my radio out the window when I hear them, and I do believe that George W Bush was a horrible President to put it mildly. Also I am not a Communist or a Socialist, I just don't think that big business should rule my life.

I am not going into Political Science to run for office. I have no interest in being in a campaign and having all the dirt about me come to light. Now there is not a lot of dirt, but they can make anything sound bad. I like the study of politic and I am am really interested in international studies right now. I have no idea what I want to be. Right now I am thinking that after my Bachelors I might look into getting my Masters. But right now I am going to focus on just my Bachelors.

The weather finally cooperated!

This year I have had bad luck planning activities. My friends at work planned an outing to Thanksgiving point for over a month for the Tulip Festival and it rained and was cold. So we did not go. The next week Jason and I had to cancel our outing to the Tulip Festival again because of rain. This week we had planned on going to the Living Traditions Festival with some friends. The weather looked like it was not going to cooperate again. Last night it was pouring and I thought great another outing ruined by rain. But amazingly enough the weather was great, we were able to go, and it was super fun. We ate tons of good food from tons of booths. The oddest thing that I ate was Papaya salad. It was spicy and sour. The chicken kabobs that we had from the Pakastani and Thai booths were fantastic. Oh and the vegetable mo mos from the Tibetian booth were fantastic. But there was more then just food, they also had crafts from other cultures. The weaving was amazing. I can't imagine being that patient to be able to do it. They also had a display of Turkish crocheting which was one of my favorite. They had crocheted the edges of towels, bedding, and hankerchiefs. It was so pretty and I know how hard it is is to do that delicate of work so I could really appreciate it. We also saw a demonstration on how to make lemongrass beef, which hopefully Andy will make sometime. Hint Hint. So we are totally going back next year. I have more food to try and I would like to see more of the performances. I am just sad that I forgot my camera and could not take pictures.

So in other news I have 10 weeks left at work. I am getting pretty excited. One because it means that I am starting a new chapter in my life. I have my classes picked out. I had been fip flopping on a couple of different classes and I finally decided. I am taking Constitutional Law, Politics of China, Politics of Mexico, Intro to Enviromental Policy, and Political Anyalsis. I am pretty excited about most of my class and apprehensive. I know it will be good and if I continue to apply myself that it will be fine.

Also we are going on vacation shortly after I get done with work. I am so excited, we are going to the west coast. We are treating the trip like a second honeymoon. We have a romantic hotel room reserved. And I get to see my grandma, we are staying in the town that she lives in. I am looking forward to fresh seafood and salty sea air.

School's Out!

My second semester of school is done. I was so glad. I was not terribly interested in my classes, Music and Theater. I know a lot of people love them, I am just not talented in that way. I am content to just listen to a piece of music and think boy that was pretty. I don't need to know what the form is. But now I get a break for three months to catch up on projects that I have been putting off because I was studying.

So there are some changes happening in our household over the next couple of months. The biggest one is that I am quiting my job and going to school full time. I have been thinking about it for awhile. If I go to school full time I can get done with school in 3 semesters. If I work it will take me a lot longer. Finally after waffling back and forth I made my decision. I would take a leap of faith and go to school full time. It is official as of Friday I told my boss that I am quiting July 30th. I know a lot of notice, but I thought they would like to know to find someone to replace me. I was going to wait until the end of the month but I could not wait so I just told her. So I am really nervous to quit my job and just have Jason's income. But I know it will work out. I have decided to take five classes. One is Constitutional Law and I am terrified of that class.

Another change has nothing to do with school, but I am pretty excited about it. I watched the movie Food Inc, which is really good, and realized that I am very ignorant about where my food comes from and how it is processed. So I am making an effort to eat more organic and local. One it is better for me and better for the enviroment. So one of my plans is to can this year. I am hoping that I get enough tomatoes to make tomato juice, tomato sauce, and stewed tomatoes. And I want to try and can peaches, pears, and jam. Today I took my first step. I was visiting my grandma and she gave me all of her empty jars. Next I need to buy a canner. I have never canned before so I am nervous. I have read stories of people's pressure canners exploding and I am afraid of messing up and having exploded tomatoes all over my kitchen. But I will have my dad help me and he is good at that stuff.

The last two weeks

The last two weeks have been very busy for us. I had to go to a play and a concert for school, so we decided to make a date out of it. Last week we went to Fiddler on the Roof. It was really good. Neither one of us had seen it before. Jason really liked it. Then yesterday we went to Verdi's Requiem. It was fantastic. I was afraid Jason would not like it because there was singing in it. Like opera singing, but he liked it and I loved it. The music was so powerful and the singers were great. I have not really cared for my classes this semester, but one thing that they have taught me is that there are some wonderful events in the city that we need to take advantage of. I think it would be fun to go to an outdoor concert in the summer or go to the symphony again.
Also yesterday we worked on our yard. It was the first time since the fall that we really got out and worked in the yard for a long time. It was amazing how much work there was. I bought a bunch of plants to plant and three hours later I had them all done. I planted some calla lilies, ferns, other green plants that I can't remember the name to now, grass, and some other cute little flowers by the pond. I bought a lavender rose, they are my favorite, to go over with the other roses. Then I planted a little herb garden over by one of my trees. I mostly did it because the plants smell good and look pretty. I am not used to all that yard work. I was a little sore last night and today.
So I know that my blog is sort of turning into a blog about my yard. It is suppose to be an adoption blog, so I guess I will do an update on our adoption. Well there is nothing really to update. I would be lying if I said I was not a little frustrated. We said that when it got to two years that we would start considering other adoption agencies. Well a couple of months ago we started to look and nothing felt right. We felt like we should stay on the same course that we have been on. I have been trying to learn more about adoption through reading blogs and other sites. I have decided that I should not do that anymore. There are some blogs that are great and I follow them because the birthmoms have good stories. But most of them are negative and some of them are very mean. I started to notice that I just felt more and more negative when I read them.
Both Jason and I have felt like we have prepared as much as we can right now for the adoption and we just need to leave it in the Lord's hands and have faith that it will work out. So I think that I have to just focus on other things like school, getting stuff done around my house and figuring out what I want to do about work. I have not made a decision on what to do next semester for school and if I should go full time or not. If I go full time I will have to go part-time at work or quit. So I need to decide what I want to do pretty soon.

The Tournament

Okay so this is the closest to matching sweatsuits that Jason and I will get. We usually don't wear closing to matching t-shirts, but we got them at the March Madness games that we went to last weekend. I wanted to get a picture at the games but thy would not allow cameras in the Energy Solutions Arena. Well we had a lot of fun watching the three games that we got to go to. Our hope was that they were close games and they were. The Xavier/Kansas St game went into double overtime. It was pretty awesome even if I was exhasted the next day at work. Thursday before the games we went to the Red Iguana which we had never been too before. It was really good but the amazing thing for me was that I tried something different. Usually I stick with things that I am familiar with. Like tacos, fajitas, ect., but this time I try their red pepina mole. It was really good and I am glad that I finally tried something different.

Odds and Ends

I have been neglecting my blog like I have been neglecting my homework. Not much has been going on the last couple of weeks. In regards to my homework I am just not into the fine arts classes. I would much rather write essays about international economics than read a chapter about what forms of music were durng the Baroque Period. I also find it a waste of money for me to have to take fine arts classes since I am getting a Bachlor of Science. Well enough of that.



Well March Madness has begun and my bracket is already blown thanks to Kansas losing. Thanks to Tyler and Jason who rooted against them to spite Julia and I. So now I will be rooting for anyone who is playing Kentucky or Ohio St. Even though my bracket is busted I am still really excited to go to the games next week. It will be a lot of fun.



I wasted no time planting stuff as soon as the weather got nice. I got some pansys that I planted in my front yard with the tulips that are coming up. Also I was excited to see that most of the tulips that I planted last year are comin up. I think that our yard will look really nice and I will subject everyone who looks at my blog to pictures of the yard. Sorry.

This is a ruffled pansy that I planted. There are more than just this

one. I had never seen ruffled pansies before and I think they are

really cute

My pansys and tulips.

Our major home project this year is fixing the pool. Last fall we realized that we had a leak when Jason closed it for the winter and within a couple of weeks a fourth of the water was gone. So yesturday we had people over tearing out the old liner and putting in another liner. So it is not finished but this is what it looks like. We have been trying to fill the pool back up all of yesturday and part of today. I never realized how much water was in that thing. I am afraid to see our water bill. But the liner looks nice and I like the new metal border around it. It is suppose to be finished tomorrow, which will be nice.

Woo-Hoo the month is almost over. I don't know why, but this month has been so boring and I have been feeling so impatient and antsy. I told a friend the other day I am like a 2 year old who wants something. I want it now, now ,NOW! (insert stomping and pouting) Well I have not really thrown a trantrum, but sometimes it feels like it. But March is going to be exciting. In a couple of weeks is the March Madness Tournament for college basketball. I am so excited. I am taking off two days the first weekend so I can sit at home and watch games. I know that might sound silly, but it is time I get to veg at home by myself and I get to have Elizabeth time. So on top of the special Elizabeth time, the next week Jason and I have tickets to the Sweet 16 and Elite 8 games here in Salt Lake. I am so excited I might burst. Our tickets are not the greatest but who cares.

Then the next week we are going to Fiddler on the Roof. I have to see a play for my theater class and we decided to make a date out of it. I actually wanted to go to the Secret Garden, but it was at a Children's Theater and I thought well it would be silly for Jason and I to go. Also my professor might think it is weird. But if we ever have a girl I am taking her. It is one of my favorite books. Then last night after we got the Fiddler tickets we bought tickets to go to the Utah Symphany's performance of Verdi's Requim. I am going to that for my music class, but it sounds really interesting and it is an excuse to drag Jason to the symphony. I am excited because lately our date nights have involved us going to Target or parking on the opposite side of the Macey's parking lot. I know we are rebels.

Having faith is hard

So some people already know about this but I felt I should write about it for our blog. Last week we got a call about a birthmom. Not from our agency. A lady that I work with called me to say that her daughter had thought about us and knew of a birthmom who might be interested in us. Her daughter helps birthmoms find families. I called her and found out that the birthmom wanted to look at prospective adoptive parents' profiles. She could not tell us a lot about the birthmom, just that she was looking to do a private adoption. Jason and I have talked about private adoption before but felt more comfortable going through an agency. I told her I would talk to Jason and we would think about it.


I called Jason and told him what was going on so he could think about it before he came home. I told him that my first impression was not to do it. Luckily it was my early day so I could come home and think about what to do. On one hand this was an opportunity. There was no guarantee that the birthmom would pick us, but we would never know unless we tried. On the other hand we knew almost nothing about private adoption, we did not have a lawyer, and I felt it was almost dishonest to say that we were willing to adopt privately when we were not ready. The most important thing was if it was the right thing to do. Throughout our adoption journey the most important thing to both Jason and I has been following what we felt was right to do.


I knew what the right thing to do was. This was not the right path for us, but I wanted it to be so badly that I had a hard time accepting it. I wanted to find any reason to discount the feelings that I had and tell Jason this is what we are supposed to do and get our profile to the woman who had contacted me. I always thought that when the right opportunity to adopt happened that I would be so ecstatic, but instead all I wanted to do was cry. I kept thinking how can this be right if I feel like this?


Well we decided not to do it of course and I know we made the right decision even though it was really hard. It is hard to say no to something that is everything that you have wanted for so long. I have to admit that having faith is not my strong suit. I want to know what is going to happen, but I am trying to have faith that Heavenly Father knows what is best for us and that we will adopt when the time is right. I see how happy our friends are with their wonderful children and I can't help but wonder when we will get to exprience that. I am not trying to sound like I am complaining. In fact I have so many things to be grateful for. I have so many blessings and my life is really wonderful. I thought maybe I should write about our experience last week and my struggles because maybe it will help someone else who is going through the same thing. I know how hard the unknown can be. I know that for me sometimes reading the experiences of others has made me feel better.

I am ready for spring

My favorite season is spring and about this time of the year I start to get antsy for it to come. I am tired of all the cold weather, the snow, and the crappy air quality. Today made me even more anxious for nice weather when I went outside to get the mail and I noticed that my tulips in the front yard are starting to peek through the dirt. I was so excited. I have been looking forward to the Thanksgiving point tulip festival and this is making me more excited. I love flowers. Winter is so drab and dreary. I notice that I feel more down during the winter. When spring comes and all the flowers are out I can't help but smile. We also have a lot planned in the next coming months. Next month we are going to the March Madness basketball tournament, which we have been looking forward to like nine months. Also as odd as this sounds both Jason and I are excited to start yard work. I am looking forward to starting my garden this year and already have ideas of what tomatoes to plant this year.

The wedding

Today Jason's sister Kirsten got married in the Draper Temple. It was a nice wedding like always and Kirsten and her now husband Jeff looked very happy. I had Jason's sister Elizabeth take a couple of pictures of Jason and I outside the temple. She is a fantastic photographer. Jason looks so handsome in his suit and I am wearing my new red shirt.

Weddings are always nice and I like going to the temple with family. I always think back to when Jason and I got married. I will always remember how happy I was and how wonderful the whole day was. But as wonderful as our wedding was it is nothing compared to the 7 1/2 years we have spent together. I love Jason more now then I did the day we got married. I know him better and have got to see he kind of man that he is. He has helped me though a lot of hard times and I know that he will always stay by me. I know that probably sounds cheesy, but it is true. I think that so many people think about their wedding day and don't look to the future of what their marriage should be like. I think that is sad. I personally think that the happiness that you experience over the years of being married are so much more precious then the few hours you spend getting married.

My new hair cut

I got my hair cut today. My hair was getting really long. I tried to get my hair done like Rachel McAdams, but I don't think that it turned out as well. It is kind of hard to see in this picture, but I got my bangs cut shorter. They do not go behind my ears anymore. So this will be interesting. I have not had bangs this short in a very long time. Probably since Middle School.

Okay well just a few things from this week.

1. I learned that I am a big meanie. Well at least one kid in my Primary class thinks so. This boy in my class brought this litte toy that he kept playing with. I told him that if he did not put it in his pocket I would take it and put it in mine. Well in sharing time he had it out again so I put it in my coat pocket and told him that he could have it back after class. Well he cried for like 10 minutes. You would have thought that I took it away forever. He finally calmed down, but apparently I am very mean for not letting kids play with toys in church.

2. It is hard to find cute boots. They are too big on my calves. I don't have little legs, but apparently they make boots for women that lift weights or something.

3. When you find something that you like online it invariably is not in the store. I know it should be, but apparently they sell out of the specific thing that I am looking for. I don't like to buy clothes and shoes online. I like to try them on. So it is frustating when I find something cute on a stores website and can't find it in the store.

4. The last thing is something that I try and remind myself everyday is how lucky I am to have Jason. After seeing this weekend how some people are treated by their husbands or boyfriends I am glad to have a husband that treats me with such respect. He always tells me how beautful I am even if I don't feel that way and he makes me a better person.

2010

I know that the end of the year is a time to reflect on the year. I have to say that besides me going back to school and our trip to Washington DC, there is not a lot to say about 2009. I am actually really looking forward to 2010. Jason and I have some goals that will be accomplished this year and also we are expecting some major changes in our life. In fact those changes have brought me to my major new years resolution this year.

I have two major New Year's resolutions this year. One is to be a better person by not questioning other people's decisions. I guess I have to explain. I have been thinking a lot this week about a friend of mine insinuating that we have missed opportunities to adopt because we have decided that right now is not the time to go through a different agency. I have to admit that my feelings have been hurt about her assumption that Jason and I have not thought about all of our options and made the best decision for us. While I have thought of this I realized that although I don't verbalize it I have internally questioned other people's decisions and thought that if they just did something differently their lives would be better. Although I don't verbalize it I should still not do that because it is not my place and I don't appreciate it. So although it is a very human thing to do I am going to try and better myself by not criticizing other people's choices.

My other New Year's resolution is to have more faith and trusting in what I think is right. Over the last few weeks it has been harder for me to have faith and trust in the plan that Heavenly Father has for me. Sometimes it is hard because I don't always understand why things happen the way that they do. So this year with the changes that might be happening in our life I need to have more faith and trust in the Lord's plan for me instead of what I think needs to happen.