Woo-Hoo the month is almost over. I don't know why, but this month has been so boring and I have been feeling so impatient and antsy. I told a friend the other day I am like a 2 year old who wants something. I want it now, now ,NOW! (insert stomping and pouting) Well I have not really thrown a trantrum, but sometimes it feels like it. But March is going to be exciting. In a couple of weeks is the March Madness Tournament for college basketball. I am so excited. I am taking off two days the first weekend so I can sit at home and watch games. I know that might sound silly, but it is time I get to veg at home by myself and I get to have Elizabeth time. So on top of the special Elizabeth time, the next week Jason and I have tickets to the Sweet 16 and Elite 8 games here in Salt Lake. I am so excited I might burst. Our tickets are not the greatest but who cares.

Then the next week we are going to Fiddler on the Roof. I have to see a play for my theater class and we decided to make a date out of it. I actually wanted to go to the Secret Garden, but it was at a Children's Theater and I thought well it would be silly for Jason and I to go. Also my professor might think it is weird. But if we ever have a girl I am taking her. It is one of my favorite books. Then last night after we got the Fiddler tickets we bought tickets to go to the Utah Symphany's performance of Verdi's Requim. I am going to that for my music class, but it sounds really interesting and it is an excuse to drag Jason to the symphony. I am excited because lately our date nights have involved us going to Target or parking on the opposite side of the Macey's parking lot. I know we are rebels.

Having faith is hard

So some people already know about this but I felt I should write about it for our blog. Last week we got a call about a birthmom. Not from our agency. A lady that I work with called me to say that her daughter had thought about us and knew of a birthmom who might be interested in us. Her daughter helps birthmoms find families. I called her and found out that the birthmom wanted to look at prospective adoptive parents' profiles. She could not tell us a lot about the birthmom, just that she was looking to do a private adoption. Jason and I have talked about private adoption before but felt more comfortable going through an agency. I told her I would talk to Jason and we would think about it.


I called Jason and told him what was going on so he could think about it before he came home. I told him that my first impression was not to do it. Luckily it was my early day so I could come home and think about what to do. On one hand this was an opportunity. There was no guarantee that the birthmom would pick us, but we would never know unless we tried. On the other hand we knew almost nothing about private adoption, we did not have a lawyer, and I felt it was almost dishonest to say that we were willing to adopt privately when we were not ready. The most important thing was if it was the right thing to do. Throughout our adoption journey the most important thing to both Jason and I has been following what we felt was right to do.


I knew what the right thing to do was. This was not the right path for us, but I wanted it to be so badly that I had a hard time accepting it. I wanted to find any reason to discount the feelings that I had and tell Jason this is what we are supposed to do and get our profile to the woman who had contacted me. I always thought that when the right opportunity to adopt happened that I would be so ecstatic, but instead all I wanted to do was cry. I kept thinking how can this be right if I feel like this?


Well we decided not to do it of course and I know we made the right decision even though it was really hard. It is hard to say no to something that is everything that you have wanted for so long. I have to admit that having faith is not my strong suit. I want to know what is going to happen, but I am trying to have faith that Heavenly Father knows what is best for us and that we will adopt when the time is right. I see how happy our friends are with their wonderful children and I can't help but wonder when we will get to exprience that. I am not trying to sound like I am complaining. In fact I have so many things to be grateful for. I have so many blessings and my life is really wonderful. I thought maybe I should write about our experience last week and my struggles because maybe it will help someone else who is going through the same thing. I know how hard the unknown can be. I know that for me sometimes reading the experiences of others has made me feel better.

I am ready for spring

My favorite season is spring and about this time of the year I start to get antsy for it to come. I am tired of all the cold weather, the snow, and the crappy air quality. Today made me even more anxious for nice weather when I went outside to get the mail and I noticed that my tulips in the front yard are starting to peek through the dirt. I was so excited. I have been looking forward to the Thanksgiving point tulip festival and this is making me more excited. I love flowers. Winter is so drab and dreary. I notice that I feel more down during the winter. When spring comes and all the flowers are out I can't help but smile. We also have a lot planned in the next coming months. Next month we are going to the March Madness basketball tournament, which we have been looking forward to like nine months. Also as odd as this sounds both Jason and I are excited to start yard work. I am looking forward to starting my garden this year and already have ideas of what tomatoes to plant this year.