My infertility rant

So I am trying to convince myself that I really have to get homework done, but I just need to rant a little bit. Disclaimer: I am not trying to offend anyone with my rant, it is just a way for me to kind of get stuff out. I have been thinking a lot lately about how much infertility sucks. But even with as much as infertility sucks the things that people say to you are even worse. So my little rant is about stupid things that people say to you. I am not sure why if you are pregnant or trying to get pregnant people think that they can say things to you that they would normally. For example my friend who is pregnant has been told several times how huge she is. I don't understand it because if she was not pregnant people would not say that to her, it is insulting. Okay so back to my original rant, people saying things to me about having a baby. So this list is long, sorry.

Please don't tell me how you saw on t.v. how this person took a supplement and they got pregnant, and that I should do it too. I am not mixing together a bunch of stuff that Suzanne Somers thinks is good and ingesting it. If there was some miracle cure I am sure that my doctor would have told me by now.

Another pet peeve is having people who have been trying for like 2 months come and talk to me about how hard it has been for them to wait 2 months. Then when you try and help them they tell you that you don't know what they are going through and that they have it harder then you.

Also don't become my friend so you can complain to me about infertility and once you get pregnant never talk to me again. I have had that happen too.

Okay things not to say to me or anyone else who is trying to get pregnant...

-If you pray harder maybe you will get a baby.
-Maybe you are not trying hard enough.
-Maybe if you are around kids more you will get pregnant. (not joking someone said this to me)
-If you just relax you will get pregnant.
-Maybe God does not want you to have kids. (again something someone said to me)
-Maybe you need to gain weight, or lose weight.
-Are you sure that you have problems? (I love that one)
-Be glad that you don't have kids, I do and it is not that great. (So someone did not say that to me, but they did say it to a friend of mine that was trying to get pregnant.)
-Maybe you need to fix things in your life before you can have kids.
-You don't have kids, does that mean that you don't like them.
-Didn't you get married in the temple. You should have kids by now.

Probably my "favorite" thing that has been said to me was about our adoption. I knew a girl who was desperate to have a baby. So she came to me about adoption. I like sharing with people what the process is and what we have learned so far. I told her that I would bring her the books and stuff that we had gotten so she could see what the process was if it was something that she was considering. The next day I brought our book and everything and she said thanks. But then said that she had talked it over with her husband and they had decided not to take the "easy way out" of adoption and keep trying to have their own child. I did not say anything but her comments still leave me steaming. I felt like she was judging Jason's and mine's decision, which we prayed about. I fully believe that people have to take their own path with infertility and do what they think is best for them. I don't think that anyone involved would say that adoption was the easy way out, that we were just giving up. First for the couple it is difficult to go through the adopton process, do all the paperwork, wait, and wait some more. But more importantly for the wonderful birthparents who make maybe the most difficult decision of their lives, and selflessly do what is best for their child. How could anyone think that was the easy way out. I found that to be the most offensive thing anyone had said to me. Mostly because I think that it really devalues the wonderful gift and blessing that adoption is and devalues the sacrifice and selflessness of birth parents.

Okay I am done ranting. Hopefully if someone else read this that is going through infertility they will feel better that they are not the only ones that has these things said and maybe can laugh at the absurdity of people's comments.

Black Friday

So after a wonderful Thanksgiving, with a super juicy turkey, games, and lots of laughs, I decided to get up at 3 in the morning to wait outside of Best Buy for Black Friday. If you don't know me I love Black Friday. I wait outside of stores every year to get some big thing that I think that I need that year. Usually I do it so I can buy more with the money I have for Christmas. This year was no exception. We need a new washer and dryer and had decided on a price range. We found a nice pair that we liked, until the ads came out and Best Buy had a steam washer and dryer 50% off. So the $2400 set was now $1200 and it was a deal we could not pass up. My dad, mom, sister, and I all got up at 3 and headed over to Jordan Landing. My parents went to Wal-Mart and my sister and I stood outside of Best Buy. Everyone there was getting computers, tv's, Ipods, or other electronics, I was getting a washer and dryer. So we stood outside for an hour in 25 degree and finally got into Best Buy. Getting the washer and dryer was no problem. It was hard to get to the section because there were like a billion people, but no one was rushing to buy appliances they were waiting in line to get their computers. So the guy filled out my form and told me I had to go over where the green balloons were to pay for it. I thought no problem, this was easy. So the green line happened to be where everyone was buying their tv's. I was standing in line another 2 hours just to pay for it. My parents were done with Walmart, where they saw a fight break out, and I still had an hour to go. So they went to Target, where the line wrapped around the whole store. We ended shopping until 3 pm. I know crazy. But I also got a glidder rocker 50% off and a bunch of other stuff. I am wondering if I will do it next year. When I was standing outside and my toes were freezing, I started to wonder how much longer I can be crazy and stand in the cold. But I was not crazy enough to bring a baby with me. I could not believe this lady had her infant out in that weather. But I figure if there is something that is on a really good sale next year that we can not live without and we don't have a baby you will probably see me outside of a store hoping that I don't get trampled by some crazy person pushing me in the back to go faster . (That happened at Target 2 years ago.)

Being Thankful

I realized that Thanksgiving is coming up really fast so I decided to make a list of things that I am grateful for. These are in no particular order.
1. My wonderful husband and marriage: I am not sure what I would do without Jason. He is a wonderful husband and treats me really good.
2. The gospel and more specifically the Atonement: Not a day goes by that I am not reminded of the wonderful gift of the Atonement and how it has affected my life.
3. Family: I have a wonderful family who is supportive and loving. I would not be the person that I am today without my parents.
4. Our Jobs: So I know that I have done my fair share of venting about my job, but I am grateful that we both have jobs when there are so many people who are out of work and can not find another job.
5. Friends: I love my friends. They accept me for who I am.
6. My house: We love our house and we live in a nice neighborhood. I am just glad that we are not still living in our apartment.
7. Shoes: When your clothes don't fit exactly the way that they should your shoes are always there to make you feel good. Especially sexy strappy high-heel shoes.
8. Shopping: Even if I can not buy something it is nice to walk around, look at stuff I can't afford and socialize with my husband or friends.
9. School: Although it is not easy I am thankful for the chance to learn and also the opportunity that I have had to go back to school.
10. Books: I love good books, especially anything by Jane Austen, Jane Eyre, The Moonstone, and anything else that I decide to read.

Well here is a short list. I could go on for pages and pages. Luckily there are holidays and times of the year for us to reflect on the thing that we have to be thankful for, because I know that sometimes I am guilty of forgetting all the things I should be grateful for.

Our Adoption Journey So Far

I realized that we set up this blog as sort of an adoption blog and so far I have not really talked about our adoption or our pathway to adoption. After 4 1/2 years of doctors and pills we had hit a crossroad in our infertility treatments. We could try some more pills and see what happened, or go out of state for a surgery that we were not sure would work. Both of us were very conflicted. Neither option seemed to be right. For weeks Jason and I talked about the pros and cons of each option, whether or not we thought they were right and what we should do. This was very hard as we both really wanted a family. The previous 5 years had been hard going to doctors appointments, living with insensitve comments that we were not trying hard enough, and unsolicited advice from people who thought they knew more then our doctor.


I complained to a friend of mine that we were not getting any answers and that we were confused about what to do. I told her that neither option seemed right and that I was frustrated. She told me maybe that neither option was right and the reason we could not make a decision was because we needed to look at a different option. She reminded me of the scripture that says that if something is right that you will feel a burning in you chest and if it is not right that you will have a stupor of thought. (That is me paraphasing the scripture) I am so thankful for her insight because that night I went home and told Jason I thought we should consider adoption. We had thought about it before but decided not to do it, but we decided to think about it again.


We both prayed about adoption and both felt it was the right thing for us to do. The confusion and the uncertainty disappeared and we both knew that it was the right thing. Sometimes the frustration is still there. Just because we made the right decision does not mean that it has been easy. We have now been waiting for a year and a half to adopt, but I still feel the peace that I did when we decided to adopt that it is the right decision. Sometimes other feelings of frustration, impatience, and worry get in there too, but I know this is what we are supposed to do.