Woo-Hoo the month is almost over. I don't know why, but this month has been so boring and I have been feeling so impatient and antsy. I told a friend the other day I am like a 2 year old who wants something. I want it now, now ,NOW! (insert stomping and pouting) Well I have not really thrown a trantrum, but sometimes it feels like it. But March is going to be exciting. In a couple of weeks is the March Madness Tournament for college basketball. I am so excited. I am taking off two days the first weekend so I can sit at home and watch games. I know that might sound silly, but it is time I get to veg at home by myself and I get to have Elizabeth time. So on top of the special Elizabeth time, the next week Jason and I have tickets to the Sweet 16 and Elite 8 games here in Salt Lake. I am so excited I might burst. Our tickets are not the greatest but who cares.

Then the next week we are going to Fiddler on the Roof. I have to see a play for my theater class and we decided to make a date out of it. I actually wanted to go to the Secret Garden, but it was at a Children's Theater and I thought well it would be silly for Jason and I to go. Also my professor might think it is weird. But if we ever have a girl I am taking her. It is one of my favorite books. Then last night after we got the Fiddler tickets we bought tickets to go to the Utah Symphany's performance of Verdi's Requim. I am going to that for my music class, but it sounds really interesting and it is an excuse to drag Jason to the symphony. I am excited because lately our date nights have involved us going to Target or parking on the opposite side of the Macey's parking lot. I know we are rebels.

Having faith is hard

So some people already know about this but I felt I should write about it for our blog. Last week we got a call about a birthmom. Not from our agency. A lady that I work with called me to say that her daughter had thought about us and knew of a birthmom who might be interested in us. Her daughter helps birthmoms find families. I called her and found out that the birthmom wanted to look at prospective adoptive parents' profiles. She could not tell us a lot about the birthmom, just that she was looking to do a private adoption. Jason and I have talked about private adoption before but felt more comfortable going through an agency. I told her I would talk to Jason and we would think about it.


I called Jason and told him what was going on so he could think about it before he came home. I told him that my first impression was not to do it. Luckily it was my early day so I could come home and think about what to do. On one hand this was an opportunity. There was no guarantee that the birthmom would pick us, but we would never know unless we tried. On the other hand we knew almost nothing about private adoption, we did not have a lawyer, and I felt it was almost dishonest to say that we were willing to adopt privately when we were not ready. The most important thing was if it was the right thing to do. Throughout our adoption journey the most important thing to both Jason and I has been following what we felt was right to do.


I knew what the right thing to do was. This was not the right path for us, but I wanted it to be so badly that I had a hard time accepting it. I wanted to find any reason to discount the feelings that I had and tell Jason this is what we are supposed to do and get our profile to the woman who had contacted me. I always thought that when the right opportunity to adopt happened that I would be so ecstatic, but instead all I wanted to do was cry. I kept thinking how can this be right if I feel like this?


Well we decided not to do it of course and I know we made the right decision even though it was really hard. It is hard to say no to something that is everything that you have wanted for so long. I have to admit that having faith is not my strong suit. I want to know what is going to happen, but I am trying to have faith that Heavenly Father knows what is best for us and that we will adopt when the time is right. I see how happy our friends are with their wonderful children and I can't help but wonder when we will get to exprience that. I am not trying to sound like I am complaining. In fact I have so many things to be grateful for. I have so many blessings and my life is really wonderful. I thought maybe I should write about our experience last week and my struggles because maybe it will help someone else who is going through the same thing. I know how hard the unknown can be. I know that for me sometimes reading the experiences of others has made me feel better.

I am ready for spring

My favorite season is spring and about this time of the year I start to get antsy for it to come. I am tired of all the cold weather, the snow, and the crappy air quality. Today made me even more anxious for nice weather when I went outside to get the mail and I noticed that my tulips in the front yard are starting to peek through the dirt. I was so excited. I have been looking forward to the Thanksgiving point tulip festival and this is making me more excited. I love flowers. Winter is so drab and dreary. I notice that I feel more down during the winter. When spring comes and all the flowers are out I can't help but smile. We also have a lot planned in the next coming months. Next month we are going to the March Madness basketball tournament, which we have been looking forward to like nine months. Also as odd as this sounds both Jason and I are excited to start yard work. I am looking forward to starting my garden this year and already have ideas of what tomatoes to plant this year.

The wedding

Today Jason's sister Kirsten got married in the Draper Temple. It was a nice wedding like always and Kirsten and her now husband Jeff looked very happy. I had Jason's sister Elizabeth take a couple of pictures of Jason and I outside the temple. She is a fantastic photographer. Jason looks so handsome in his suit and I am wearing my new red shirt.

Weddings are always nice and I like going to the temple with family. I always think back to when Jason and I got married. I will always remember how happy I was and how wonderful the whole day was. But as wonderful as our wedding was it is nothing compared to the 7 1/2 years we have spent together. I love Jason more now then I did the day we got married. I know him better and have got to see he kind of man that he is. He has helped me though a lot of hard times and I know that he will always stay by me. I know that probably sounds cheesy, but it is true. I think that so many people think about their wedding day and don't look to the future of what their marriage should be like. I think that is sad. I personally think that the happiness that you experience over the years of being married are so much more precious then the few hours you spend getting married.

My new hair cut

I got my hair cut today. My hair was getting really long. I tried to get my hair done like Rachel McAdams, but I don't think that it turned out as well. It is kind of hard to see in this picture, but I got my bangs cut shorter. They do not go behind my ears anymore. So this will be interesting. I have not had bangs this short in a very long time. Probably since Middle School.

Okay well just a few things from this week.

1. I learned that I am a big meanie. Well at least one kid in my Primary class thinks so. This boy in my class brought this litte toy that he kept playing with. I told him that if he did not put it in his pocket I would take it and put it in mine. Well in sharing time he had it out again so I put it in my coat pocket and told him that he could have it back after class. Well he cried for like 10 minutes. You would have thought that I took it away forever. He finally calmed down, but apparently I am very mean for not letting kids play with toys in church.

2. It is hard to find cute boots. They are too big on my calves. I don't have little legs, but apparently they make boots for women that lift weights or something.

3. When you find something that you like online it invariably is not in the store. I know it should be, but apparently they sell out of the specific thing that I am looking for. I don't like to buy clothes and shoes online. I like to try them on. So it is frustating when I find something cute on a stores website and can't find it in the store.

4. The last thing is something that I try and remind myself everyday is how lucky I am to have Jason. After seeing this weekend how some people are treated by their husbands or boyfriends I am glad to have a husband that treats me with such respect. He always tells me how beautful I am even if I don't feel that way and he makes me a better person.

2010

I know that the end of the year is a time to reflect on the year. I have to say that besides me going back to school and our trip to Washington DC, there is not a lot to say about 2009. I am actually really looking forward to 2010. Jason and I have some goals that will be accomplished this year and also we are expecting some major changes in our life. In fact those changes have brought me to my major new years resolution this year.

I have two major New Year's resolutions this year. One is to be a better person by not questioning other people's decisions. I guess I have to explain. I have been thinking a lot this week about a friend of mine insinuating that we have missed opportunities to adopt because we have decided that right now is not the time to go through a different agency. I have to admit that my feelings have been hurt about her assumption that Jason and I have not thought about all of our options and made the best decision for us. While I have thought of this I realized that although I don't verbalize it I have internally questioned other people's decisions and thought that if they just did something differently their lives would be better. Although I don't verbalize it I should still not do that because it is not my place and I don't appreciate it. So although it is a very human thing to do I am going to try and better myself by not criticizing other people's choices.

My other New Year's resolution is to have more faith and trusting in what I think is right. Over the last few weeks it has been harder for me to have faith and trust in the plan that Heavenly Father has for me. Sometimes it is hard because I don't always understand why things happen the way that they do. So this year with the changes that might be happening in our life I need to have more faith and trust in the Lord's plan for me instead of what I think needs to happen.

My good news

So today was my day back to work after a nice three day weekend. It is so hard to go back to work after a long weekend. But my good news is that I got my grades and I got A's in both classes. I was so glad. I was worried about my final paper that I had to write for my International Relations class. So apparently I did well, or my professor took pity on me and gave me a good grade. So my first semester back to school was not a disaster, which makes me glad. I have two more weeks of break and then back to school. I am hoping I don't have to write as many essays as I did last semester.

Well hopefully everyone had a wonderful Christmas. We did. My sister and her husband came over. We had Elizabeth McMuffins for breakfast and chicken pillows for dinner. I know not the typical holiday dinner but we forgot to get the roast out of the freezer in time. Everyone liked their presents. We had fun opening presents with Jason's family and it was funny when our nephew, who is two, got bored opening presents and decide to read. Jason got me a MP3 player so I have to figure out how to get music on it. We also got 3 giftcards to the Olive Garden, so we don't need to worry about where we will go on date nights for a little bit. So it was a nice holiday and I would be lying if I did not say I was a little glad that it was over. This year it seemed more stressful then usual. Now I need to start planning Jason's birthday in May.